“The Eyes Have It” and “The Fig Leaf Pose” Body Language Do’s and Dont’s

by Tina Manzer

No matter what side of the Toy Fair aisle you work on, your body language, even more than your words, influences the people you do business with. Think about it – we only have a few opportunities to meet face-to-face with our vendors and customers who come to New York each year from all over the world. And, the opportunities we do have there and at other shows are limited by time. Isn’t it wise then to convey our messages as clearly and effectively as possible?

“Yes!” says Sharon Sayler, a certified group dynamics and behavioral coach. “The most influential parts of communication are your nonverbals. In an ideas-based economy like the one we have today, your ability to influence others and get them to really listen to you will set you apart.”

The tips in her recently released book, What Your Body Says (and how to master the message) can help you communicate with clarity, inspiration and influence. It offers an array of nonverbal techniques to use in a variety of situations – at trade shows, for instance, when time is of the essence and recall of you and your company after the show is vitally important.

“True communication goes beyond words, and great communicators use every tool they have to deliver their message,” says Saylor, who offers the following advice.

Don’t fill the air with “um,” “ah” and “you know.”

It is natural to pause when you speak – it gives you a chance to breathe. What’s not natural is to fill the silent pauses with sounds. Verbal pauses are distracting and muddle what you are trying to say. The listener sees you searching for the next words, and the meaningless extra syllables or words make you look less intelligent. Your message will be more effective once you eliminate them. This may take practice.

“The ums, ahs, uhs and you knows are warning signs that you need to breathe,” says Sayler. “When you run out of oxygen and your brain starts feeding unintelligible words to your mouth, stop talking and start breathing.

“Eliminating verbal pauses may feel uncomfortable at first,” she adds. “However, the number of times you use them will decrease the more you practice. “Practice” often means saying a verbal pause and noticing that you did it. If you catch yourself doing it less often, then you are making progress. Eventually, the silent pause will replace the verbal pause. “You don’t have to fill every minute of airtime with noise.”

Don’t use the fig-leaf pose.

By placing your hands over your groin region, you’re making yourself appear smaller. The fig-leaf pose communicates, “I’m afraid,” or “I’m harmless.”

Do use hand gestures systematically.

When we use only words to convey our message, we make it necessary for our audience to pay very close attention to what we say. Using gestures systematically, especially when giving directions or teaching, makes listeners less dependent upon the verbal part of the presentation. Gestures give them two ways to remember – auditory and visual – to increase the likelihood of accurate recall.

Don’t put your hands in your pockets.

Pockets and waistbands are not a good place to rest your hands in business situations. Thumbs hanging off the pockets and hands deep in both pockets are similar to the fig-leaf pose. They say, “I hope you like me.” What’s worse, hands deep in your pockets jingling change says, “I’m bored,” and/or “I’m nervous.”

“Pockets and waistbands can convey multiple meanings depending on where the hands or thumbs are placed,” says Sayler. “Thumbs tucked in the waistband is a gesture of power, not influence, and means, ‘I’m staking my territory.’ Thumbs displayed while the hands are tucked in the pockets say, ‘I know I’m superior and I believe I have dominance.’”

Don’t hide your hands behind your back.

Depending on the situation, it can mean “I hope you like me,” or “You better fear me.” Neither interpretation leaves a very good impression of you, so Sayler recommends avoiding this position altogether. “It can be a tough habit to break because it feels so comfortable and natural to us,” she points out. “People often do not know what to do with their hands, so they will start with the fig leaf, then realize where their hands are, and quickly move them behind their backs.”

The best thing to do is keep your hands straight down by your sides. After all, it’s the natural place for them to be.

Bust Your Verbal Pause Habit

As Sharon Sayler says, it is natural to pause when you speak. What’s not natural is to fill the silent pause with sounds. They’re distracting, and muddle your message. Here are some ways to eliminate them.

Keep breathing. Maintain low natural breathing.

Fill the silence with a gesture or a smile.

Use shorter sentences.

Eliminate the reasons for audible pauses, like a lack of familiarity with the topic, discomfort with silence, nervousness, habit, or because you’re breathing shallowly.

Practice before you go to the trade shows. Try recording yourself, and listening for your favorite verbal pause fillers.

When you run out of oxygen and your brain starts feeding unintelligible words to your mouth, stop talking and start breathing.

Exude
Self-Confidence

When you need to display confidence, your nonverbals are especially important. Here’s how to use them.

• Move with intent with your weight evenly centered over hip.
• Use more eye contact than you normally do. Limit blinking.
• Be slow to smile.
• Use side palm hand gestures to punctuate what you are saying.
• When not speaking, hold arms at your sides.
• Use your connection voice for relationships and the credible voice for business.

The Connection voice pattern is used to seek information, soften news and create an emotional connection. To achieve it, use clear articulation and packing of words. End each statement with the voice going up. Lightly bob your head as your voice flows up and down in a rhythmic pattern.

The credible voice pattern is used when stressing or sending information and working with issues. To achieve it, maintain clear articulation as well as distinct pauses and controlled pacing of words.

• Use clear articulation and pacing of words – a calm cadence.
• Use short pauses between segments of statements and a longer pause at the end of each statement.
• Maintain low, natural breathing.

Don’t cross your arms.

This stance most frequently indicates that you’re upset or uncomfortable. In business, it means, “I’m not open to discussion,” or “I am annoyed.”

“People habitually cross their arms over the chests when listening or waiting, so this gesture can be a hard one to overcome,” says Sayler. “It’s one of the most misinterpreted nonverbals, so don’t do it.”

Do know when you put your hands on your hips.

It’s a ready-to-take action gesture. Think gunfight at the OK Corral. It makes most people appear bigger because they are actually taking up more space. The downside is that it sometimes conveys annoyance or “closed-to-suggestions,” similar to the pose of crossing your hands over your chest. If you want to emphasize to a vendor that you’re not happy with his shipping terms for instance, cross your arms when you’re talking about them.

Do remember that eyes really are the windows to thoughts and emotions.

Of all the nonverbal messages you can use, eye contact is the most expressive. Little or no eye contact indicates a lack of self-esteem or interest, and is often mistakenly associated with lying (but experienced liars will look you right in the eye every time).

“To use direct eye contact in a business situation, position your eyes between the listener’s eyes, or just a bit higher,” suggests Sayler. “Imagine a triangle with the base below the listener’s eyes and the peak at his mid-forehead. Keep your eyes in the middle of the triangle. As to how much or how long to hold eye contact, take your cues from the other person. If he likes a lot of eye contact, do the same. If the listener breaks eye contact on occasion, it is acceptable to break eye contact to the same degree.”

Do stop fidgeting.

Unintentional gestures are emotional reactions or the result of the body’s desire for physical comfort. Even though fidgets can calm us, those pesky, jerky movements and anxious behaviors often make others uneasy.

“Because they can become habits they can be difficult to stop, so people usually try to disguise them,” notes Sayler. “Adjusting a cuff link, rubbing an earlobe and picking lint off of clothes are just a few examples of the infamous fidget.

“The quickest way to calm yourself without a fidget or two is by pushing your own internal fidget reboot button and adjust your breathing. Since you’re nervous – and fidgety or anxious nonverbal behaviors are so automatic – it can take a bit more effort to be aware you are doing them. If you know you will be entering a ‘fidget situation,’ make an effort to become consciously aware of, and control, your breathing. Breathe with low, full, abdominal breaths. The purpose is to bring the carbon dioxide and oxygen levels back in balance.”

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